Ah, the 21st century. Gone are the days of writing elaborate poems and drive bys to your lovers house. These days, texting is the standard for dating and relationships. You can be great in person, but if you’re texting sucks, you’re out of luck. Most guys are terrible texters, can’t text girls to save their life, and their dating results reflect that (lamentably), so read on below for tips on how to text girls the right way. Like a boss? No. LIKE A KING.
How to Text Girls: Intro to the Modern Minefields
Head to the mall, the movies, out to eat, or anywhere really, and you’ll be aware of the phenomenon of everyone absorbed in their phones during idle time, eyes glued to their screens rather than on the world surrounding them. Today, we’re connected digitally more than ever, and the reality is that most times we tend to get more communication done in the cyber world than we do face to face.
As a guy out there, this means that when it comes to managing intimate relationships, business contacts, or igniting sparks between you and the bombshell you met out on the town last weekend, you’re going to have to sharpen your texting katana & get those cyber skills down pat if you want to thrive (or even survive) in the modern era.
Text Game is Crucial Now
For most situations, it’s fairly straightforward to pull off a smooth text conversation amongst friends or colleagues who know you more, but when it comes to dating women – Pandora’s Box opens to a plethora of confusion and anything BUT straightforwardness, logic, reason, and if we’re quite frank about the matter, sometimes you even begin to question whether the laws of physics have somehow been suspended and you’ve scurried down the rabbit hole.
Despite your best intentions and smooth interactions in the past, how many times have you seen the relationship drift away like Wilson or crash & burn before it even started due to a lackluster text exchange? As silly as it seems, we’re not in Kansas anymore, and as a man these days, your dating value is being graded on your text prowess. In the realm of online dating apps like Tinder, if your text game sucks, you’re plain out of luck and just another schmuck swiping away and being teased by possibilities but doomed to never taste.
With that in mind, I’m here to equip you with the tools you need to dominate this arena with 10 tried & true GOLDEN texting tips to keep your game in check when texting that dashing damsel. Text game and learning how to text girls is a monster of its own, but follow these tips, and you’ll be well on your way to tight text game (AND regular game since what you’ll find here is applicable to game AS A WHOLE):
1. Less is more
Back in the day, cell phones were the size of a brick, and you had to Falcon Punch the keypad to send a text. On top of that knuckle bruiser, cell phone plans weren’t as sweet as they are today, and unlimited texting for everyone was a pipedream.
Simply put, your texts had to count, and you weren’t sitting there writing novels either. Texting was more of the exception than the norm. How to text girls? Wut? It wasn’t even on the radar. Apply this same idea to modern-day text game, and your game will automatically improve by default.
- Less often
- Less lengthy*
- Less fucks given. Do you
- Less mental importance given to pixels
Less is more is a concept that I can’t stress enough when it comes to dating on all fronts – especially for those with less experience who have a tendency to want to do more, more, more. Why are you putting so much effort on a girl you barely know at the expense of other things? You’re a busy man out there making moves, so check yourself before you wreck yourself. Your life was good before her too, was it not? A good life is the best game there is.
What really matters is what happens in person, and texting is a medium to keep lines of contact open and stoke the fire. Period. Focus your life on what’s going on here and now around you. Traditional wisdom will say to focus on logistics only (i.e setting up times to hang out), but given that texting is a great tool, super accessible, and the norm these days, you’ve got to strike a balance. Just lean towards the less is more side of the scale.
*Length is something you can bend the rules on here and there. You need to have enough get up and go (see the caveat below) and when you pace yourself very well and have a busy life, it’s at times better for you to shock their system with a juicy, detailed text
Reduce Room for Error and investment
This will keep you in check by reducing your error-opportunities. The more you text a girl, the more opportunities there are to say something that hurts your encounter – especially when you aren’t wise in the ways of the text masters and have a bond with her. Texts can be open for interpretation and convey something you hadn’t intended at all.
You’ll also be reducing investment while you’re at it by removing instances of exposure. If you text girls throughout the day, that’s more mental energy and time spent for little observable return while robbing you of time and energy better spent elsewhere. What to say? What she’ll say? When she’ll respond? Why hasn’t she responded yet? NO SIR.
Text girls when it makes sense to text girls – not just as a constant side fun activity.
To top things off, the more talking you do, the more your mystery and intrigue is drained. The “strong, silent type” is a thing for a reason. You don’t want to give everything about yourself away. That’s boring.
SO just remember:
When you text girls…Less lengthy, less frequent, less grammar-policed, less less less. If you’ve got to to really talk and deliver something important, pick up the phone. That function still does exist, believe it or not.
Caveat to Less is More
Doing too much “less is more” can backfire and have the opposite effect intended by creating a lack of interest and fizzling out of the interaction. This is particularly important after you’ve just met. I compared relationships to a ball rolling in physics here, and the idea is that you need a good initial push to get the ball rolling. The idea is more to mix it up (see point 3)
2. Chill out
Do you approach your texts with a girl like you’re writing a term paper or are you more casual and nonchalant, enjoying the interaction? I kid you not — many guys will form a Ginyu Force of their closest friends to analyze and dissect their text conversations in aims of sealing the deal with a girl and getting a date.
Look, gentlemen. I don’t give a damn if J. Lo herself is making that hotline bling, your life must always be focused on your path and your mission above all else. A relationship is a garnish to your life, not a necessity.
Sitting over there strategizing and stressing about things is an exercise in futility. You’re taking things far too seriously and setting yourself up for disappointment and emotional attachment. Don’t be afraid to
- make typos
- exclude punctuation
- use artistic license
- skip capitalization
- shake things up.
- ignore texts if you’re not about it
- take your time if you’re busy
If your English teacher in school was a brat, imagine you’re texting her every once in awhile to avenge that D- you got on your paper for “wrong formatting”.
You want things to seem nonchalant and chill. “It’s all good” needs to be your default mindset.
Neither be afraid to offend or upset or whatever else you’re worrying about. Let things vibe and take their natural course. TEASE. HAVE FUN. When you do this, you’ll be attracting like a magnet the ones you fit best with and not wasting time or effort on the ones that are more trouble than they’re worth. It’s okay to joke and be yourself to let your personality shine. Don’t overanalyze it and change who you are to pull.
If you ever feel yourself getting emotional, nervous, or upset when it comes to texts, put your phone to the side and take a lap, champ. It’s game for a reason. It should be fun and light.
3. Mix it up
Predictability is a relationship killer. Predictability zaps the zest out of life. The great paradox of human beings is that we love to control and know everything, but when we do control and know everything (or think we do), we get bored and lose interest. Go figure. This goes double for when you text girls:
- Be formless.
- Change, mix it up, be spontaneous and throw curve balls.
- Be predictable to the point of boredom and then flip the script.
This will always keep things fresh & exciting for you both. If they respond with some lifeless, generic texts, reply back your OWN way. This is your frame, not theirs. How do YOU want the text conversation to be? It’s your world. Set the tone by example.
Have you ever psychologically sabotaged a cat by teasing them with a piece of string? They go nuts! But if you leave it on the ground for easy-pickings, they walk away. You can’t ever let people think they have you or know all your tricks.
Mixing up your:
- text length
- text content
- text medium
- response rates (built into having your phone habits on lock; see next point below)
and numerous other variables are all workable examples of things you can do to put this in action when you text girls. On certain apps like WhatsApp and iMessage, you have the option to send audio messages, and sending a voice message in lieu of responding with a text can be warmly welcomed when done sparingly – especially when you want to deliver a great response but texting it would be overkill. Let her hear your voice and express yourself.
Being easy is well and good when you have to file your taxes, but when it comes to dating and how to text girls like a king, not so much.
4. Pace yourself
Texting will always be in large degree a beta thing to do.
If you’ve got all day to sit and get a thumb workout in by texting back and forth with a girl, then I’ve got to question your priorities and path in life. This behavior sub-communicates a lot to girls as well.
“Does he not have a job? Does he not have passions? Is he weird or creepy? Seems kinda clingy.”
How much effort is truly needed to sustain a relationship with someone when you’re apart? Technology and the ease of modern communication has skewed this for us, but it’s certainly not back and forth texting day and night. Relationships take place in person.
Make your face-to-face encounters more special and more important by limiting the amount of extracurricular contact that takes place. A little bit is wonderful and helps keep the sparks going, but too much of a good thing has its consequences and washes away that mystery and tension that makes a relationship exciting and respected.
I’d argue that most guys who want to learn how to text girls could improve overnight just by doing this simple thing. How do you pace yourself? Let’s go there.
Set your device and habits accordingly
Your phone and habits should be geared to only check your phone at intervals throughout the day sprinkled with random bursts at opportune times. When you do this, you’ll notice you follow steps #1-3 on autopilot as texting fills into the little cracks of your poppin’ regular life.
- Turn off notifications
- Do not disturb/silent function
- Lock your phone in a drawer while you work on your craft
- Be busy having fun and living real life – not vicariously through a phone
3 hours can go by without texting back. The world will go on. Trust me. By doing so, you will be partitioning your productive energy towards the things that really matter and will mark a difference in your life – the Rocks. See the next point:
Relationships are a complement (the pebbles) to an already happening lifestyle filled with kicking ass, taking names, chasing your dreams, and experiencing all that life has to offer. Treat them as such by acting and forming habits accordingly.
- Hit the gym
- Read books
- Pursue your hobbies and passions
- Work on your dream
- Connect with your friends, mentors, and network
These are vastly more important items on your agenda.
On top of that, by doing so, you will ingrain habits of outcome independence and communicate to your subconscious the relative unimportance of whatever the response is or what happens. Being congruent is key. You can say you don’t care about the outcome, but if you’re checking your phone every 5 minutes and texting in between your more important activities, your actions are saying something else to your mind, and your emotions will follow.
Match Investment Levels: Quick note (?)
For completeness, I need to point out here that you want to more or less be matching the level of investment that the other person is demonstrating in the interaction. In other words, don’t be texting back right away if they’re taking an hour. You don’t want to text a paragraph when they send out 3 words.
Of course, when your phone and life habits are on lock like I suggest, this happens by default and I bend the text rules all over the place because of it, but just so you know…I figured I’d mention it. (I’ll be writing a full article on this because it is more detailed than this and this article is already gonna be hella long)
The reason I slide this in here is because in my eyes, it’s silly to sit there calculating how many hours they took to respond and matching it or trying to go tit for tat. That’s easily riddled away by having the rest of your game on point, and if you do that, you’ll be paradoxically doing the most (breaking law #1 of less is more) and building your subconscious investment level.
This builds that value
Why do people flip shit for holidays? Cuz they only come once a year! You’ve got to live it up while you can. Make yourself that drooled-over Christmas gift by pacing your texts.
Realize that most beautiful girls are getting bombarded 24/7 by thirsty betas who want to have a “cute conversation” with them. Don’t compete with that noise. The best way to win the game is to NOT PLAY IT. You text when you wanna text. On your own time. By doing this, you’ll stand out even more for not chasing her down like every other guy enamored by her beauty.
And when you do respond, it’s golden since you’ll be following the other tips in this article 😉
Less-investment. More results. More outcome independence. More productivity. More mystery. More ability to mix-it-up. People don’t value or respect what’s constant and handed to them for little effort. Let ’em chase a bit.
But where’s the fun in that?
There’s always something to be said for the other end of the spectrum. In this case, if you’re in some “kill-time” situations, sure. Rifle off some quick texts back and forth. (Mix it up, point #3). These are short, fun, and exciting. Just don’t let this become the default mode. Yeah, it’s tempting. No, you still don’t do it. Got it?
5. Always be leading
For many guys, the simple act of texting a hot girl is a treat.
Ooh snappp! She texted back! Cancel my 2pm and order the champagne! We’re partying!
Let’s not get carried away here, brothers. Once you’ve established a certain level of connection with a girl, you relax a bit and text for conversation alone in your downtime, but before this is the case, always be moving the conversation towards some definitive goal or direction. Never text to where it can just sit there and collect dust and be ignored.
Lead the Conversation
A big mistake guys make when texting girls is letting the girl lead the conversation. They leave it up to her to keep it going. They expect her to know what’s in their mind. That’s a good way to get nowhere.
Instead, always aim to include a call to action or bait in your texts that can keep the conversation spinning forward (ultimately towards seeing each other).
Don’t just make statements. Don’t be indirect and hope she gets it. Make statements and then follow them up with a question or command. This is critical to sealing up your loose ends and being outcome independent. You have done your part and can toss it to the wind. Let’s look at some examples of how to text girls:
Bad examples of how to text girls:
- Yeah I’m free too.
- Haha those are my favorites. I’m into anything by that author honestly.
- I’m down
hmm…not bad (kinda) per se, but we can do better.
Good examples of how to text girls:
- Yeah I’m free too. Would you like to hang out? We can meet at X at 7pm.
- Haha those are my favorites. I’m into anything by that author honestly. Which ones do you like? You seem like a X kind of girl.
- Hey (inside joke name) guess what I just saw
- I’m down. Call me when you get off work
See the difference? Subtle shifts but bigger payoffs. (cookie if you caught the neg)
GO HANG OUT WITH HER
Why are you talking to this girl? To see her, right? I’d sure hope you’re not just fishing for a penpal here. This isn’t to say that you have to always be straight to the point like setting an appointment at the doctor’s office… Setting up a meet too early without the right vibe and connection is going to fall flat and make things awkward. Texting is a very potent tool to build comfort and rapport with each other, but always have it leading towards the real objective. Don’t get caught up in text purgatory. When the timing is right and you’re feeling each other, set up the date.
By doing this, you’ll be showing:
- You know what you want
- Time is valuable
- Anything else I’ve left out.
All of which only help your cause. In a world where attention spans are low & there are options everywhere, you need to ensure you don’t text back and forth forever heading nowhere. That special girl you’re talking to can drop off at any moment, so don’t talk for the sake of talking. Lead the conversation along. Know what you want and go for it. Don’t text girls in limbo.
Always have a call to action. Always give her fuel to nibble on and respond to. Always be leading it somewhere. ALWAYS BE CLOSING.
Speaking of being closing…
How to text girls: End of Part 1
Whew. Having a good time there, ladies and gents? That’s the end of Part 1 on this series of How to Text Girls.
Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon! Subscribe so you don’t miss it when it drops! As for now, comment your thoughts and share with your bros to spread the knowledge and show them the art of how to text girls as well.